Big Things have Small Beginnings
by bljohnson93
Summary: A post synthesis EC fic, Kaidan is left heart broken after Shepards death he cant and doesn't want to believe that he's really gone. Romance story between Kaidan and Mshep rated for language and sexual content reviews are always welcome and appreciated! :
1. Chapter 1

*This is my first time writing fan fic i am fairly new to the fan fic community so please let me know what u think! reviews or PMs are awesome i hope and look forward to hearing what u guys have to say! please enjoy! :)

Chapter 1

"One year, 365 days today… that is how long it has been since the galaxy became a lesser place. Since the galaxy was saved… since it lost a hero, a friend, and a lover."

Tears welled up in the eyes of the crowd as even the hardened soldier began to break down on the podium.

" We ALL lost the most amazing man one year ago and that is why we are all here, to remember a man who gave everything so that we could live on. We are here because Commander John Shepard isn't, and so here we are, at the Reaper Conduit which will stand as a memorial for not just Commander Shepard but for all of the people that fought the Reapers."

A single tear streamed down the cheek of Kaidan's face it took all he had in him not to break down into sobs. He was holding on to the podium so hard he thought his already white knuckles would explode. The sound of muffled cries echoed from the audience. He took a deep breath.

"We will never get back the ones we lost but we will live on knowing that they died so we could have a better future… Thank you."

The crowd erupted in cheers as a beaten down Kaidan walked off the stage. God I hate public speaking he thought to himself as he climbed into the seat of the waiting skycar. He almost jumped out of his skin when he opened his burning eyes to see Liara sitting next to him.

"Jesus Liara what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to congratulate you on your speech, it was… moving"

The door hissed shut as the autopilot engaged and the car took off into the distance.

Kaidan grunted disapprovingly, his gaze dropped to his hands, he was so used to seeing them dirty, be it blood or grit from a battle, but now they were so alien, so clean, and the faint glow from the bio-circuits didn't help the alien feeling.

"Amazing isn't it?" Liara's cool voice piercing the silence.

"huh?" he said looking at her confused.

She laughed lightly, " you know we built the crucible not even knowing what it would do, hell it could even have turned us all into husks! But we built it anyways and fired it blindly, and then it almost destroyed the citadel and blew up all the mass relays and then to top it all off it turned us all into bio-synthetics, and then the Reapers became friendly and"…

"I know what happened Liara. Im not blind" hissed kaidan.

Liara sent him a concerned look, her already intense blue eyes glowed making them pop even more. He hated how she could give him a single look and make him feel like the worlds biggest idiot.

"I know, I miss him too" Liara looked at the city below as the skycar zipped threw the air.

His previously wondering mind refocused on all that he had tried to bottle away. The hurt the loss everything came flooding back. Kaidan put his head in his hands and sobbed.

"How could he leave me alone again! He promised he would be there waiting for me!" He wailed.

"Kaidan… there is nothing John wouldn't have done to come back to you if he could, he did it for you, to make sure you would be safe so that you could live on." She tenderly put he hand on the back of the trembling soldier.

The skycar slowly stopped in front of the spaceport and an alert chimed alerting the duo they had arrived at their destination.

The major looked at her and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his military blues and for a moment there was silence between the two, both not knowing what to say to the other. Liara looked as if she was going to say something but decided against it and retracted her arm only to wring her hands in her lap. The two had never been extremely close but Kaidan always knew she had a thing for the Commander even though she would rather die than admit it; maybe she was the one person in the world that would even have a fraction of an idea of how he felt.

"I appreciate what your trying to do Liara, you're a good friend its just"… he sighed, "its just I cant believe or maybe its that I don't want to believe that hes gone; it kills me thinking I wont see him ever again"

The silence was broken by the skycar once again alerting them that they had arrived at their destination.

"I should go, my shuttle leaves in ten minutes" said kaidan checking his omni-tool.

"Yes of course I should be going as well, you have my number if you ever need to talk… just, take care of your self Kaidan I would hate to lose another friend."

And with that the doors hissed open and the two parted paths.


	2. Chapter 2

*short update working on next chapter! :)

Chapter 2

The shuttle came into port on the Citadel and Kaidan and the passengers walked off, He was in a trance his eyes still blood shot and swollen from crying, all he wanted was sleep and maybe a bottle of tequila.

The door to Kaidan's apartment hissed open and he started to undress, unbuttoning his jacket pulling his shirt off over his head exposing his muscled chest and abs, stopping only to kick off his shoes and then continuing towards his room unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants letting them slide off his muscled legs leaving a path of undress in his wake. As he passed by his bathroom he stopped momentarily to look at himself, his face looked tired and his eyes were still pink. His chest arms and abs have gotten bigger and more defined, being the only human spectre left had him working on overdrive. He ran his hand over his pecs and down his abs until he got to the waist band of the ultra tight black trunks, to the waist band of the underwear he had so carelessly discarded as he and Commander Shepard rolled around in a mixture of kisses and well placed gropes. They sure didn't leave anything to the imagination either the outline of Kaidan cock and balls was clearly visable as he remembered seeing the same sight on his lover. His hand dropped from the waistband and he returned to his path to bed, and slowly laid down feeling every muscle in his body relax.

Sleep was a pleasure most take for granted but when Kaidan woke up and it was three in the afternoon the next day he realized just how hard he had been treating his body, throwing himself at his work endlessly was a stupid idea but at least it kept him from thinking of Shepard.

The terminal in the living room flashed on as a rested but groggy Kaidan slipped past he had a new message from Liara, intrigued Kaidan opened up his mail box.

_Kaidan,_

_I feel really bad for upsetting you on Earth, it wasn't my intention and I wasn't sure if I was going to show you this but I think you need to see it. Attached is a message sent to my broker terminal from Shepard after he died. Turns out he had some things to say if he wasn't coming back and he set it to send if he didn't deactivate the timer attached._

_I hope you find some peace in hearing it from Shepard. Please keep in touch._

_Liara_

_/ Attachment /_

_Kaidan,_

_If you are reading this than I didn't make it back to hold u like I promised, and im so sorry I wanted to tell you that I love you and that I would do anything to keep you safe and hopefully I succeeded in kicking some Reaper ass! Take care Kaidan, I will be waiting for you on the other side and ill be there waiting to hold you like I promised._

_I love you._

_Shepard_

Tears raced down Kaidans face, why would Liara show him this? Why was she so cruel? No… he knew she only wanted to best for him and he wanted to see it. He read it three more times through blurry tear filled eyes.

" I love you too Shepard!" he finally choked out " I love you so much"

Kaidan knew that the message was a goodbye and that Shepard was really actually gone for good. There was no Cerberus to rebuild him there was no impending apocalyptic attack coming it was over.


	3. Chapter 3

* Here is a new update I really wanted to give a longer update this time I want to say again that reviews critiques and what ever you have to say are always welcome and appreciated! Id love to hear what you guys have to say!

They say that bottling away your emotions is really bad for you but then again, who the hell are "they?"

It had been three months since his speech on Earth and in those 3 months Kaidan hadn't left the his apartment once. He had his groceries delivered; he shut off his terminal and omni-tool. If shepard could go dark then so could he…. The doorbell rang, good some more groceries Kaidan thought. He got up and hit the open button on the door, not looking to see who was there.

"ya, just set them down over there ill get to them later" said Kaidan already walking away.

"That's not why we are here Kaidan."

The voice was undeniably Liara's. Kaidan spun around to see Liara, Miranda, and EDI standing in his door way.

"What do you want, I don't want any visitors" replied kaidan crossing his arms.

"May we come in?" Asked Liara but she had no intention of waiting for an answer because before he could answer she had already entered the apartment. "Why haven't you been answering my emails? You never replied after the message to you with Shepards message I had figured you would go and do something stupid. But I would have never imagined that you would sit here alone in the dark!"

Liara seemed pissed thought Kaidan he had only seen her this mad when she nearly killed Javik after the Reapers hit Thessia.

"Now if you would have at least read my messages you would see that I have something extremely important to show you! EDI would you be so kind?"

Kaidan had forgotten that she was even there, but as much as he hated to admit it, it was nice to have some people around.

EDI stepped forward and her omni-tool came to life, she opened the palm of her hand and a green holographic representation of human DNA appeared.

"Now this could be nothing but it is most likely something amazing" Miranda's words flowing like silk threw the air. She pushed a lock of hair from her face to rest behind her ears, but then she too held out her hand and her omni-tool roared to life showing a very similar but different DNA hologram.

"So you came to show me DNA light shows? That's fascinating and all but you guys should leave." Said Kaidan, who still hadn't uncrossed his arms.

Liara ignored him and continued to her point, "that DNA strand EDI is holding is a record of Shepard's DNA I collected it from him to put in my time capsule, incase we didn't succeed in defeating the Reapers."

"Okay?" Kaidan replied uncrossing his arms.

"Now the DNA strand Miranda is holding is sample of her DNA which like all of us has been fussed with synthetic material, now if we isolate the new synthetic material..."

The hologram in Miranda's hand changed only showing fragments of her DNA.

"And now if we overlay the sample of DNA from Shepard…"

The hologram changed once again showing an opaque version of Shepard's DNA and the few synthetic pieces from Miranda fusing together.

"You see the small fragments are identical but synthetic copies of Shepars's DNA." Said Miranda pointing to readings on her omni-tool

"I don't understand, how is that possible?"

Kaidan was so confused how could pieces, synthetic pieces of Shepard's DNA be in Miranda? Was it in him too? Or was it just her and what made her so god damned special!

"We are not sure but it seems that when the Crucible fired it took Shepard's DNA and infused us all with fragments of it. We have already tested everyone we know, even EDI and we all have the DNA in us! Some more than others, and then some have the same pieces, and some out of the billions of atoms in our DNA only have one or two pieces of Shepard's!"

Kaidan hadn't seen Liara so excited since they were all back on the first Normandy when she would meld minds with the Commander, lucky bitch.

"So, what? Your gonna tell me that the Commander will live on inside all of us or some bullshit like that?" Said Kaidan.

Liara changed the subject "Do you know how cloning works Kaidan?"

"Something about putting the DNA of a dead animal inside of a living egg cell and they produce a identical copy of that animal right?" said Kaidan thoughtfully

"That's close enough but what we are trying to say Kaidan if we can get enough samples of other peoples DNA we could piece together a copy of Shepards DNA and clone him!" Liara was beaming.

"The sampling process would take years along with successfully piecing together a working piece of DNA and then with the growth process… we are looking at a minimum of three years. And don't even get me started on how many credits this will cost." Miranda's words were cold and calculating.

"The point is that we can bring the commander back Kaidan." Liara pressed her check to his shoulder affectionately as they both looked at the DNA holograms.

"But… I mean wouldn't he be born a baby?"

"Cloning of any sentient being is against council regulations." Miranda crossed her arms and flipped her hair.

"So?" Kaidan said defiantly, he never really did care for Miranda she was always such a bitch.

"The point is that no one has cloned a human being since the technology would allow us to vat grow a full grown human. It's the same thought process with the Tank grown Krogan."

"Grunt." EDI corrected.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Okay… well what about his memories? Wouldn't he be a blank state?" Questioned Liara,

She sounded worried she rarely let her emotions show through, it made Kaidan worried. If the commander could be brought back, and that by itself was a mountain to climb would it be worth it if he was a mental vegetable?

Silence over took the room, every one was deep in thought, Liara searched the extranet for an answer while EDI hacked into the extranet medial data bases and then prepared a list of people with the correct pieces of Shepard's DNA. Miranda set down on the couch and bit her lower lip in concentration. She jumped up "Oh my god I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner?"

Miranda all but ran to the terminal and started typing away at a million miles an second.

"What are you doing on my terminal?"

Miranda ignored the question and continued to type, "the Lazarus project."

"Wasn't tha-"

"The station it was on was destroyed by the Illusive Man after the mechs were reprogrammed and killed everyone and we evacuated, anyways the destroy order only destroys the mass effect field generators which caused the station to crash into the planet near by."

"How will this help our situation operative Lawson?" Inquired EDI.

"The station is where we rebuilt the Commander, we or shall I say I had a back up copy of the Commander's memories on a hard disk, just in case."

"Is there any reason to believe that the hard disk would have survived the crash?" Asked Kaidan, he wrung his hands together nervously.

"One thing Cerberus does is build things to last, however im not sure what condition the station will be in it also has been a few years so I guess we wont know till we get there." Said Miranda

"Wait one second the Commander wouldn't remember anything after he was rebuilt." Kaidan blurted out as his heart sunk.

Shepard wouldn't remember anything; on one hand he wouldn't remember Horizon or even how he questioned his loyalty on Mars or even the huge things like defeating the Reapers and the Collectors. But he wouldn't remember that he loved him or the nights they spent talking or that special night before the final battle. Would he still feel the same about him?

"No he wont, but we will have to fill him in on the many important things that have happened. And NO one beyond the commanders old crew is allowed to know what we are doing or we would be jailed on the spot." Miranda flipped her hair again and her and EDI walked out of the door leaving Kaidan and Liara alone in his apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

A person is supposed to live, get old, and die. But that's not always how it happens, sometimes you don't make it to your twilight years. Sometimes you get cut short, and if you do is it only fair to get a second chance? Would it fair to get a third chance?

"Damn it" Kaidan swore out loud as he punched the cold hard steel of his apartment door. The pounding in his head was only getting worse from all this thinking. Thinking about his love for Shepard, thinking about how great it would feel to hold him again, thinking about all the reasons they should bring the Commander back to life, and knowing deep down it was wrong.

Kaidan pushed himself away from the door and walked towards the bathroom, he had to piss and hoped that the mundane task would distract his thoughts long enough that the splitting headache would go away.

The cool tile floor felt good on his bare feet as he stood half naked in front of the toilet letting out the air in his lungs as his bladder emptied. Eventually the piss stream weakened and stopped, Kaidan shook the few remaining drops from his cock and then flushed and pulled up his sweat pants over his round ass. He stepped away and looked in the mirror, something that he had been dreading.

I look like shit he thought, the soldier's jaw was covered in dark hair and his bed head was overgrown and all over the place. He turned on the faucet and wet his hands and reached for his razor, sure they had laser trimmers but he always had favored the old fashioned razor. He smeared shaving cream on his beard and wet the razor, it glided threw the thick hair with ease and soon Kaidan could see his jaw again.

Steam rose steadily over Kaidans nude form, the warm water felt good on his skin and muscles. He let out a sigh, would Shepard even want to be brought back to life? Kaidan would be disappointed in himself enough the way it was. Would Shepard hate him for it? And what if it's like everyone always says that he is in a better place? God, a person could go mad thinking like this.

"I wonder if Liara is still on the Citadel, I need to see her." Kaidan said aloud to himself. He shut off the water in the shower and dried his hair and body with a towel. Kaidan activated his omni-tool and called out to Liara.

"Hello?" her cool voice filling his ears.

"Hey, its Kaidan… I was wondering if you were still on the Citadel, I really need to see you."

"Yes I am, I have a few things to get done today but how about we meet up for a drink tonight?"

Kaidan smiled, "ya that sounds great how about nine at Purgatory?"

"In the mood to dance?" Kaidan didn't have to see her face to know she was grinning widely.

"Come on Liara you know I cant dance!" Chuckled Kaidan.

"One thing you and the Commander always had in common… I should get going I'll see you tonight."

"Alright see you there."

After getting a hair cut and buying some new clothes for his night out Kaidan still couldn't get his mind off Shepard, the thought of seeing him again made him smile and sent chills to his loins. But the thought of actually cloning the Commander made him sick to his stomach it felt so wrong and he felt even worse because he wanted to.

Sitting by himself at the bar made him feel uncomfortable he had already been hit on by three drunk women and an even drunker Krogan that slurred out something to the extent of suck my dick and then fell face first into the bar shattering glasses and spraying a wave of mixed alcohol at a group of squealing girls.

He checked the time, and before it could turn to nine o'clock Liara was already next to him crossing her legs and smoothing out her tight dress, the steel heels of her stilettos gleamed in the lights of the club. She was always on time.

Liara leaned in close, "You sounded upset on the phone earlier so I got us a private booth so we can talk." Her perfume smelt delicious and very expensive. She didn't wait for a response, like always, and got up pulling Kaidan buy the hand to follow her through the sea of dancing bodies as the bass from the fast paced techno beat made his chest vibrate.

They sat down in the plush leather seats and a waiter was there to take their drink orders, Kaidan ordered a rum and coke and Liara ordered a glass of very expensive wine, Kaidan imagined the shadow broker business was going good with the amount of credits she was throwing around.

"So?" Liara looked at him with a smirk saying that she already knew what Kaidan needed to talk about but was going to humor him.

Kaidan sighed, "It's about Shepard… I… I just don't know if I can live with myself bringing him back to life… I mean I really want to and I miss him more than anything in the world but what would he want us to do? What if he woke up from being in a much better place pissed at us?"

Kaidan realized he was out of breath from screaming over the still loud music and was nearly panting… or maybe it was from spilling out all of his feelings and getting everything off his chest. Regardless the drinks they had ordered couldn't have come at a better time; Kaidan's throat was dry and burned.

The cool liquid poured into his mouth, it was strong but he needed to take the edge off and if there was one skill Kaidan got from his time with the Commander it was how to swallow a lot of fluid. And with that he set down the empty glass.

Liara sipped her wine thoughtfully and leaned back resting the bottom of the tall glass on her thigh and sighed.

"Kaidan I'm afraid we have hit some… complications." She swirled her wine in the glass unable to look at Kaidan.

Kaidan felt a sharp tug at his heart, "What do you mean?"

Liara set her glass down, smoothed her dress and looked at Kaidan, "The DNA strand is incomplete, EDI spent hours minning through data and hospital files checking the DNA for matches. And we are still missing one critical piece, the coding for the formation of the heart."

She frowned "I'm afraid that we wont be able to bring him back."

"What about inserting an artificial one after he is fully grown?" Kaidan could feel the desperation in his now trembling voice.

"With out the heart being present during early development, and that's with saying that we hook him up to life support as soon as possible, the organs and the chest cavity itself would not form correctly and there would be no room for a heart. Despite the obvious physical deformations." Liara's logic was cool and sharp.

Kaidan feeling his hopes smashed could feel a tear forming in his right eye, he looked up and blinked it away.

"It is possible that the Crucible was designed to leave out important pieces so that one could not be brought back after one's being was absorbed."

Returning back to his eye contact with Liara he could see the news hurt her too.

"What about me Liara? You haven't tested my blood."

"Kaidan…"

"Kaidan nothing!" Interrupted Kaidan. "There is still a chance."

Liara went to say something but bit her tongue.

"The possibility of your DNA containing the missing piece out of everyone we have checked is about one in a trillion…"

Liara bit her lower lip seeing Kaidan's gaze. Seeing this strong soldier near tears because of her was hitting her hard. Maybe even after these years she still didn't understand humans and how they always made their decisions out of emotion. Where as Asari ruled out of pure logic or at least the logic they posses, maybe due to their radically different life spans humans didn't think like them. They didn't have a thousand years to sit and ponder on a topic. Emotion being the next best thing, offers a radically different life.

"… But I guess it doesn't hurt to check one more person."

Liara forced a reassuring smile though she doubted it had any effect. I guess there is always hope she thought.


	5. Chapter 5

The feeling of the blood being sucked out of your veins is unpleasant in any universe, and because they wanted to be sure on the results they took two vials. As the robotic arm retracted and the needle left Kaidan's arm and then applied a small bandage. The feeling off getting his blood drawn was the only Anker keeping him anywhere near the real world.

All the hours he had spent contemplating bringing the Commander back and what sort of moral repercussions would follow that decision had kept his mind racing almost 24 hours a day. Now he was almost as hallow as the husks he used to rip apart with his mind. Maybe it was the fact that the ball was in his court before, the decision and its consequences were his choice. That was the point it was his choice before, now it all rested on luck.

If he was lucky enough to be trusted enough to carry the most important part of a man, his heart. Yeah the time him and Shepard had together was great but did Shepard have a special place for Kaidan in his heart like Kaidan did for him? Maybe it was just them blowing off steam.

The cool metal bed felt good on his head. Or maybe it was exactly how stupidly he put it, "a sanity check."

Kaidan shook the thought from his head and not a moment too soon as Liara walked in and sat down next to him.

"Are you ok?" She sounded genuinely concerned as she stared at him with her hands in her lap, her biosynthetic eyes glowed a more solemn blue.

"What do you want to me say Liara? That im fine or that im scared to death or what?" Kaidan returned to staring at the ceiling

"You know even if we can't bring back the Commander its not a death sentence for you. He is dead and he would want you to move on and live out your life… Other wise the sacrifice he made for you would be in vain."

Kaidan didn't have time to think about what she said because doctor Chakwas came in, she looked good the times have been kind on her and she was aging very gracefully.

"Kaidan, I have good news and bad news."

Bad news? Kaidan's heart sunk he knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, but he didn't know if he would be able to hold it all in.

"Give me the bad news." Kaidan said meekly

"Well major the bad news is that the first vial we took had no signs of any part of Shepard's DNA." Chakwas stared at the scrolling data on her data pad.

Liara stood up suddenly causing a loud noise to erupt from the chair sliding behind her. "That's impossible, Kaidan has obvious signs of biosynthetic advancement there has to be something."

"That was my thoughts exactly Liara, so we ran the second vial and compared it to the first and found the synthetic pieces. It appears Kaidan is the least altered person ever recorded."

Kaidan sat up with a confused look on his face. Kaidan wasn't dumb by any means but as he was a soldier most of his knowledge consisted of how to clean his weapons and where the weak spots were on just about any species you could name off. But all this talking about biosynthetics and DNA were beyond him.

A large holo-screen appeared behind Dr. Chakwas as she activated a button on her data pad.

"You see here is your DNA Kaidan, at first glance it appears that u have absolutely no synthetic alterations and no parts of Shepards DNA but when we tested the second vial of blood and combined the data we found small trace amounts of Shepards DNA which made us want to take a closer look."

The image of Kaidans DNA zoomed in on one of the bases and there it was small flakes of synthetics covering the base.

"We have harvested enough of the flakes on your DNA to establish just how much of Commander Shepards DNA you have inside you."

The holo screen faded away and Dr. Chakwas walked towards Kaidan and put her hand on his.

"Kaidan you have enough flakes to equal one base of Commander Shepard's DNA inside your own."

Just one? Miranda had at least 30 how could he get so short changed thought Kaidan.

Dr. Chakwas' face got as white as her hair as she stared at her data pad.

"What is it?" Liara said as she walked over to look at the data pad almost dropping it as her other hand flew up to cover her mouth. Her eyes widened and the glowing of her eyes shown brightly.

"What is it?" Kaidan asked meekly not knowing if he wanted to know the answer, they probably just found out he had a brain tumor or something.

"It's the missing piece! You have the genetic code for Shepard's heart!" Liara started to cry slow tears of joy as the tears rolled down her face past her beaming smile.

Dr. Chakwas struggled to find the chair behind her, once it was found she sat down on it hard, still holding the same blank stare, white as a sheet.

Kaidan just sat there it was as if time slowed and he was breathing one breathe a year. What did this mean? It didn't matter all Kaidan knew is that he almost lost his chance to see the man he loved again and he sure as hell wasn't going to wait to find out what else could stop them. He loved the Commander and wanted him back he didn't care if he had to make Shepard fall in love with him again. He didn't care if he wouldn't remember the amazing nights they spent together. He wanted him back and he didn't give a damn what anyone else said or thought.

"Liara, how soon can we start cloning the Commander?" Kaidans words seemed to cut Liara off guard.

"We can't have him growing here in Huerta we need someplace safe and undetectable." Liara thought to her self the first thought that came through was the Normandy, but that idea was no good.

After the war the famous ship was turned into a museum, EDI no longer was confined to the ship and so there was nothing to be changed. That's exactly how the council wanted it, they even left Shepards cabin the way it was when he left it, data pads strewn everywhere his dirty clothes and pairs of boots scattered around. It was sealed off with a shield so no one and nothing could disturb it.

"It was would take years to build a ship of adequate size and with the necessary medical and stealth capabilities." Chimed in Dr. Chakwas who was finally regaining some color and snapping out of her shock.

"We don't have years! I'm driving myself crazy with this stuff we need… I need him back." Kaidan wished he could just have imploded in on himself at that moment.

"Your right Kaidan, I can think of only one ship, the Normandy." Liara said as she looked at him.

Kaidan jumped up his boots making a loud thud on the floor "It's no good she was dry docked and turned into a freaking museum."

"Did you seriously not think that the shadow broker wouldn't know about that Kaidan? What I meant was we can steal it! EDI can scramble the security and we would be gone before they even had a clue of what was going on."

Kaidan never thought of stealing the Normandy, the thought itself was dirty to him; Liara really had changed if she was the one suggesting it.

"The council will have my spectre status revoked and label me as a rogue." Kaidan said crossing his arms.

"Tell them you needed it for a mission. Shepard did worss and they didn't care, Spectres are above the law." Liara reasoned. "And don't worry I'll make sure its staffed with some familiar faces."

God Kaidan was really starting to love Liara.


	6. Chapter 6

* THANK YOU to all you guys that have taken the time to read and review my fic I originally was going to hold this chapter back a few more days but I thought what the hell give it to the people! Please remember to leave a review or send me a PM I love getting the feedback! Enjoy the story!

Kaidan hadn't seen the Normandy since the war, it held too many feelings for him and it had hurt too much. Now it was a symbol, a symbol of hope that they could actually do this.

Kaidan, , Liara, EDI, Miranda, and Joker snuck threw the door out towards the dock it was way past the museums closing time and there was just one guard that was an insult by itself.

"Will she still fly?" Wispered Kaidan who was crouched down.

"The mass effect drive cores are still in place the ship will need fuel once the emergency back ups are used up. But there is enough to get us out of the system." EDI said in a hushed voice.

Kaidan peered over his shoulder looking at the guard trying to decide the best way to get rid of him quietly. It would be so much easier to kill him but he was just an innocent man trying to make an honest living

Kaidan didn't have time to finish thinking before Miranda rose up and used her biotics to pull the guard off his feet and slamming head first into the deck of the dock.

"Damn it Miranda I told you to let me handle this!" Kaidan cursed.

"The escape window is only so big and it will take time to warm up the engines and get the reactor back online, we didn't have all night for you to decide how to knock out the guard." She hopped over the boxes they were hiding behind and headed for the ship.

Kaidan clenched his fist tight, "Alright lets move!"

The group ran to the bulkhead door, EDI began typing at rapid speed on the door controls and soon after the doors hissed open.

Joker and EDI rushed to the cockpit and started to wake up the sleeping ship Miranda and Liara rushed down into engineering to bring the core back online, and Kaidan just stood there like an idiot. He didn't know how to activate a ship he barely knew how to turn on his coffee maker! But soon the low hum from the core and the engines once more filled the ship.

The ships engines flared to life, the supports holding the ship buckled and gave way wiring and life support cables detached. The ship was free, and rocketed towards the mass relay.

The relays were heavily damaged when the Crucible fired but when the reapers joined our side they immediately started repairs on them and the Citadel and within the year all the relays were repaired and the citadel back to its old spot and fully repaired as well. Harbinger the oldest of the reapers contained all the data on the previous cycles; there were hundreds of thousands of them. He docked with the Citadel much like Sovereign did and shut down; he became a giant terminal so to speak. Scientists will be spending generations examining the data and spreading it through out the galaxy.

The rest of the reapers and their forces went to a planet on the edge of the galaxy, no one really knows what they are doing there, some say raising another army others say they all flew into the star there. The only real truth to it is that no one cared to find out what they were doing; the wounds were still fresh from the war.

The blue energy covered the Normandy and it shot into the void of space.

"We will have to make a stop on Illium, there we can get the medical equipment that we need and we can get fuel." Liara's words made Kaidan jump bringing him back to Earth… so to speak.

"Alright Joker to Illium." Kaidan said as he put a hand on the helmsman's shoulder and smiled it felt good to back on the Normandy, and he knew Joker of all people would feel the same.

"It will be a while till we get to Illium Kaidan, you should get some sleep you look very tired." Liara said concerned

It was true Kaidan was tired, tired of worrying about Shepard tired of hurting and most off all tired of not being able to sleep.

"Alright sleep sounds good should I head down to the observation bay?" Kaidan wasn't used to being in command and he caught himself after he had already asked the question.

"Actually Miranda is setting up in there since I took her old room and have already got Glyph setting up my broker terminals. I would imagine Shepard's room is unused." Said Liara

"Yes it is empty and I have deactivated the shield put in place by the museum curators," Stated EDI without looking away from the console.

"Then that's where I will be." Kaidan turned and walked towards the elevator, he gazed at where the hologram of the galazy should be, it was off right now and the room didn't feel the same with out the blue white glow.

"I know what you're thinking and if you need me all you need to do is call." Said Liara.

"Thanks Liara but I'll be fine." The elevator doors closed behind him and it rose up and then opened up to reveal the door to Shepard's cabin. How many times had he stood there wanting to talk to Shepard but not knowing what to say or how to say it? He hit the release on the door and Kaidan was hit with the very fimiliar smell of Shepard, it was a mix of after shave sweat and musk. If the smell were a drug Kaidan surely would be addicted.

He walked in afraid to touch anything. He could almost picture Shepard sitting at his desk on his personal terminal writing his last goodbyes. Or seeing the Commander walk out of the bathroom with nothing on but a towel around his shoulders, his limp cock flopping side to side as he walked.

His eyes landed on the bed the sheets on the left side were still pulled back from when Shepard had woken up from passing out after they were done having sex that last night.

I should be crying my eyes out right now thought Kaidan. The terrible sad truth was that Kaidan was so numb that he just couldn't. Maybe a person was only allowed a certain amount of tears to spend on someone and Kaidan had reached that number.

Kaidan fell face first onto the bed, he inhaled Shepard's old pillow, and it like everything in the room still smelt of him.

"You're exactly what I need right now." Shepard's voice echoed inside the cabin.

Kaidan jerked up and looked around the empty room, the two empty glasses and the bottle he had brought that night were still there, Kaidan didn't believe in ghosts or anything like that but he was sure he heard him.

"No matter what happens, know that I love you, always." Shepards voice rang out again.

"ENOUGH!" Kaidan shrieked as he threw the pillow at the wall he curled up into a ball and sobbed, "god damn it I'll bring you back if it's the last thing I do."

Kaidan woke up still curled in a ball in the center on Shepard's bed, the alert saying someone was at the door went off and Kaidan climbed out of bed "I'm coming." He opened the door and there was Miranda standing with her hip out and her arms crossed.

"Look I just woke up and trust me you are the last person I want to see right now." Groaned Kaidan getting ready to shut the door in her face.

"Am I interrupting something?" She said with a smirk as she stared at Kaidans crotch.

Kaidan looked to see what she was looking at only to find that he had a major case of morning wood and his cock was making quite a large and noticeable tent in his pants.

"Oh shit, sorry." Kaidan whipped around and tried to adjust himself.

"It's alright I wont be long I just wanted to have a quick word with you." She walked past him and leaned against the fish tank and looked at him. "I uh… want to apologize for last night, you're in command now and I disobeyed orders and I wanted to say it wont happen again. I… uh… damn this is awkward…"

"I understand the pleasantries but what is it you really want Miranda?" Kaidan wasn't impressed she had been a total bitch to him ever since he met her on Horizon where him and Shepard had to shut down her fathers sick facility.

"That's all commander, we will be arriving on Illium in about an hour so I would freshen up." She then strutted out the door.

Kaidan knew she had more to say but didn't really care much about what it was. He opened the door to the bathroom and turned on the shower, he walked back out into the room and sat on the bed and pulled his shirt off over his head. He reached down and untied his boots and pulled off his socks, pulled down his pants and walked into the warm water of the shower.

Illium was a pretty city, Kaidan had seen it a few times before, and after what he saw he was fine never seeing it again so while EDI, Miranda, and Liara went shopping Kaidan stayed back with Joker.

"So Joker what have you been up to? Settled down with EDI yet?" Kaidan joked.

"Ha. Ha. Your so funny Kaidan and for your information no we haven't! EDI was helping the scientists examine all the data from Harbinger, which still creeps me out. And yours truly? I have been writing a book, yeah crazy I know but I just needed to tell the galaxy the story about how the greatest helmsman alive saved the day!"

Joker sure as hell lived up to his name.

"I… uh saw your speech on Earth I'm sorry about the Commander, I blame myself everyday for not being able to go down there and pick him up. But I hear they are gonna make a movie about you two!"

Kaidan rolled his eyes "Yeah that will be the day!" They laughed, it was good to laugh Kaidan didn't laugh enough it seemed.

The girls got back from shopping with some interesting things, guns ammo fuel a whole lot of medical equipment and Garrus, Tali and Mordin to boot!

"Garrus, Tali Mordin! What the hell are you guys doing here?" Kaidan beamed as he walked over and hugged them all.

"Heard about your little plan and thought you could use some help." Garrus said

Kaidan smiled "And Tali! You look…" His voice trailed off as he got a good look at Tali she was in similar dress as her old suit but no mask and no gloves.

Tali blushed "I know it's a lot to take in, I'm still getting used to it myself."

"But I thought it would take hundreds of years for the Qurians to adapt."

"Biosynthetic upgrades have made immune system strong. Even cured Krogan Genophage." He took in a deep breath. "Would never know Shepard didn't do it." Mordin said while scanning Tali with his omni-tool.

"Good to see you too Mordin, Shepard told us what happened on Tuchanka, glad it worked out for everyone." Kaidan said.

"No time to talk must install new med-bay upgrades and start cloning process will let you know when ready." And with that he walked away towards the elevator followed by Liara and Miranda.

Mordin talked way too much Kaidan thought but he was an amazing genetic scientist he would be invaluable.

Garrus and Tali walked towards the elevator holding each other's hand.

"Whoa didn't see that one coming!" said Joker from behind him

"Ya no kidding."


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay from what we can tell from the scans, the station is mostly intact." Analyzed Miranda as she studied the hologram in the middle of the war room as everyone but joker and Mordin listened to her talk.

"Now it appears that after touching down on the planet it skidded and landing standing upright leaning against a large mountain at an angle of 15 degrees."

"What about hostiles?" Questioned Garrus.

"Everyone on the station was killed in the mech attack now if the mechs survived is still to be seen. The scans indicate that there is still power on the station but the reactor is heavily damaged and is most likely leaking radiation so we will have to go down in our suits, besides the fact its negative 100 degrees on the planets surface."

"Alright Miranda and Liara you're with me, everyone else dismissed." Ordered Kaidan.

The ride down the elevator with everyone in armor was always cramped and uncomfortable and Kaidan was thankful when the doors opened to the shuttle bay. The group climbed into the shuttle with Miranda as the pilot. The shuttle's engines roared to life as the shuttle doors opened and the shuttle flew through towards the planet.

As on any hostile planet the winds were always hurricane strength, which led to a very bumpy ride. The shuttle soon entered a large wound on the side of the downed station and then put down as the wine of the powering down engines replaced the sound of the wind outside.

"Okay everyone we don't know what's in there so keep your eyes up and your sights clear. Miranda your on lead since you know the station lets get in grab the disk and get out." Kaidan then hit the door release as everyone nodded.

As the doors opened the group were greeted with a long hall that obviously once had been on fire as soot covered every square inch.

"Must have been from re-entry I doubt we will find anything around here" Liara said from behind them.

They crept through the ruined station and turned the down the hall which was still lit, the floor was covered with glass from a statered observation window along with metal panels from the ceiling. Miranda ducted under some exposed wires "Careful the wires are still live."

"Great… Cerberus really builds things to last don't they?" Kaidan complained.

"This facility was built for an extremely important purpose Cerberus didn't want to take any chances with Shepard."

Kaidan pushed a open a damaged door only to reveal two mechs that instantly began firing at the group. Kaidans barriers were gone in a flash and he managed to take cover before they got a clear shot at him.

"Liara!" Kaidan screamed just as the Commander had done so many times before.

Liara knew exactly what that meant and put a singularity between the two mechs lifting them off their feet.

Kaidan threw a blast of biotic energy at the singularity causeing it to detonate destroying the mechs in a shock wave of pure energy.

"It looks like they were salvaging pieces of the station I wonder why…" Miranda said.

"I don't care why lets just get the disk, where are we?" Kaidan said as his barriers came back up.

Miranda looked through a shattered window, "Actually this is where we brought back Shepard, he was on that table."

Kaidan looked and tried to picture his lover on the table, the thought sent chills down his spine and made his hairs stand on end. Kaidan was shocked back to life as he felt a hand on his ankle, he looked down and there was a mech blown in half malfunctioning and twitching. It left a trail of leaking oils.

"K-K-K-Kill M-M-Me" stammered the mech. Kaidan didn't hesitate he brought his pistol to the front display and watched as the eyes on the mech closed in anticipation. Kaidan fired and a mix of oil and smoking computer hardware was left where the mechs head had been, the arm released and it died.

"What the hell was that?" Kadain said through wide eyes and clenched teeth.

"It would appear that these mech have become sentient much as EDI did, explains why they were salvaging spare parts they must be trying to get off world." Liara said as she looked at the smoldering remains.

The group leaped over the shattered window that led to where Shepard was brought back to life Miranda then entered a room. Soon after she returned with a large data disk.

"It is too large to be read with an omni-tool so we wont know if it is intact till we return to the Normandy." Miranda said.

Suddenly a computerized woman's voice came over the intercom _WARNING MAIN REACTOR CORE SET TO GO CRITICAL IN TWO MINUTES ALL PERSONEL MUST EVACUATE IMMEADIATELY. _

"Shit! Let go!" Kaidan said as he grabbed the data disk and started running back to the shuttle, He would be damned if he lost the Commander again. As they ran down the hall main components and gas pipes began to explode around them as they could feel more explosions through out the station.

_WARNING MAIN REACTOR CORE SET TO GO CRITICAL IN ONE MINUTE ALL PERSONEL MUST EVACUATE IMMEADIATELY. _

They turned a hall and saw the shuttle, a couple ceiling panels had fallen on it but other wise it was undamaged.

"Come on we need to get aboard now!" Kaiden yelled over a violent explosion near by as he hit the door release.

Kaidan shut the door after Liara had gotten in and he sat the data disk next to him, Miranda raced to the controls and the shuttle came to life, It turned and the crew felt a large kick as Miranda punched it and the shuttle rocked away. The explosion was enormous it swallowed the entire station and about two miles around it in a white sphere that erupted into flames and smoke. The shock wave shook the shuttle hard; Kaidan grabbed the data disk and held it to his chest protectively. "Where almost there Shepard." Kaidan whispered to himself.

"You guys make it out alright?" Joker said over the coms worriedly.

"We made it out, but just barely." Liara said knowing Kaidan was unable to answer.

The shuttle docked with the Normandy and Kaidan's shoulders began to unlock.

"What. Was. That?" Kaidan asked out of breath.

"It was a failsafe I had implanted into the system that if people other than Cerberus staff were present inside the rebuilding chamber that the station would self destruct." Miranda said with a frown as she came out of the cockpit knowing just how close they had been to dying.

"Jesus Miranda isn't that something you tell us in the mission brief or I don't know when we get on to the station?" Kaidan screamed as he ripped his helmet off his sweaty hair clung to his forehead.

"I had forgoten about it until the alarms started going off and at that point I was worried about making it out alive not telling you that I had made a mistake" Miranda said as she glared.

Kaidan's fists clenched, damn did he want to knock her lights out but instead he punched the door release hard and stormed out. He didn't care if she hated him and he sure as hell didn't care what she had to say. He headed up to the med bay and hoped silently as he held the data drive that it still stored his lover inside.

The doors in the med bay hissed open and instantly Kaidan saw that what used to be where EDI's hardware was. Was now replaced with a large clear glass tank that had a blue glow to it from the lighting, the tube was hooked up to a plethora of computers, wires, other smaller tanks filled with different colored liquids, and a monitoring

Mordin and Dr. Chakwas stood at the main console in front of the tank as Kaidan walked towards them.

"Good found disk! Now to see if it still works." Mordin said as he took the disk from kaidan with a few light tugs.

Mordin put the disk into the drive slot "Ah requires password no matter will hack past the security." They all turned when they heard the familiar sound of Miranda's heels on the steel floor

"You don't want to do that." Miranda said cockily as Liara came in behind her.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan said with a scowl.

"A personal security measure on my part, if you try to hack the disk it will erase itself." She said as she pushed past Mordin and began typing on the keyboard.

"There, its everything, his personality, his upbringing, and his memories."

"That's it?" Kaidan said looking at the screen, which had cascading codes falling down it.

"It had to be encoded and shrunk otherwise it would take 100 of these disks to fit it all." Miranda said stepping away from the console.

"Disk and memories intact, DNA ready. It is time to make the choice." Mordin said as he looked at Kaidan, the holo-keyboard changed to two buttons one said Go and the other Return.

Liara came up from behind Kaidan and put her hand on his shoulder, Kaidan looked at her with uncertain and watery eyes, Liara nodded her head and smiled sweetly. The entire room was quite and it seemed as if everyone was holding their breath.

Kaidan reached out with a shakey hand and pressed the Go button. The machines started to whirl to life and started injecting the main tube with the different fluids that slowly began to coalesce in the center as the monitoring V.I came on "Commander John Shepard Cloning cycle beginning."

Kaidan grabed Liara's hand and held it as everyone stared in awe at the spectacle beginning in front of them.


	8. Chapter 8

Kaidan missed the Normandy so it was good to be living on her once again, it was quiet now, not like it had been that fateful night after the Normandy had picked Kaidan and Liara up in London because they had gotten hurt pretty bad.

It was all like a dream…

"_Quick get me medi-gel and some blood I need universal Human and Asari!" screamed as she franticly tried to stop the bleeding in a gaping wound in kaidan's side and the three gun shots in Liara's stomach._

_The room was spinning and getting blurry._

"_Damn it Kaidan stay with me!" Chakwas almost shook him, she lifted up the blood soaked bandage and blood gushed out splattering the doctor's face._

_EDI's voice came over the ship's speakers "Doctor, Liara is flat lining."_

_The doctor squirted some medi-gel on Kaidan's wounds and then ran over to Liara. Kaidan turned his head to see the doctor stab an adrenaline needle into her heart and watched has her eyes flew open and she coughed up some of her purple blood on 's outfit._

_The room shook and the lights flickered._

_Kaidan coughed up some blood, "I'm so sorry Shepard" he whispered as the blackness closed in around his vision._

Kaidan shook the vision from his head as he sat shirtless on Shepard's bed; he ran his finger over the long scar along the right side of his ribs closing his eyes

"Mordin says that the initial estimate of three years was very far off he said that Shepard will be out of the tank in a year and a month… give or take."

Kaidan hadn't even noticed Liara come in "That's great news!" Kaidan forced a smile.

Liara frowned "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" she sat down next to him on the bed.

"I was just thinking back to the last time I saw him how hurt we both were, we almost died that day if we hadn't pulled through we wouldn't have had a chance to bring him back. It's just I don't know it's just scary how quick we can lose everything."

Liara listened while she watched Kaidan feel his old scar as he looked out at the now cleaned up cabin.

"I can still hear his voice sometimes, him telling me that he loves me or that he's so sorry." Kaidan said numbly

"Kaidan I… I don't know what to say, nothing I can tell you will make it better or any easier… I… I still hear him sometimes too, it hurts I know I find myself waking up in the middle of the night calling his name as you and me tried to get him to abandon ship on the first Normandy. Back on Earth before the battle me and Shepard linked and we shared some memories with each other, just of our times together and the laughs we shared. But I saw a lot of you in there Kaidan he loved you dearly. And I know that Shepard wont let a thing like death change that."

Kaidan hung his head and rubbed his tearing eyes and kinda half chuckled. "Yeah this has got to be what the fifth time someone has brought him back to life?"

Liara laughed lightly and leaned her head on Kaidan's bare shoulder and closed her eyes.

Kaidan too shut his eyes as they sat there in silence.

"Liara?" Kaidan said looking at her.

"Hmmm?" she said looking up at him their faces inches away.

"Thank you I'm really glad that you are here with me."

" It's-"

Just then Kaidan's omni-tool alert went off he looked down to see who was calling him. "Shit it's the council!" He exclaimed.

Kaidan opened the COM link and the Asari councilor appeared on the screen "Major Alenko I trust that you have nothing to do with the Normandy's disappearance or that you have nothing to do with the fact that five major associates of Commander Shepard were seen on Illium shopping for parts, weapons, ammo, and ship fuel for the Normandy."

"I, uh…"

"I don't know what you think you are doing but you better have an explanation." The Asari counislor scowled at Kaidan.

"I really can't give you an explanation councilor." Kaidan said firmly

"I see well then it must be important, I will pass along the info that you are in no way associated with this and don't worry your friends will be excluded as well, and how are you doing Dr. T'soni?" The councilor said with a smirk

"I am well councilor Tevos and you?" Liara said popping into view

"I am good as well, I will trust that you will keep Mr. Alenko and the Normandy safe it represents a large investment on the council's behalf to buy it from the Allience."

"You have my word." Liara said with a smile.

"Well then good luck you too may the goddess be with you." And with that the line went dead.

Kaidan fell back on the bed " Holy Christ I don't know how Shepard did it. I about shit my pants when I saw it was them. Shepard must have had some pretty big balls."

Liara laughed, "You would know! She said as she pushed him making room for her on the bed

Kaidan laughed "Yeah I suppose I would!"

Kaidan and Liara's eyes met once again Kaidan blushed and Liara smiled. Both of them don't know who made the first move but the next thing Kaidan knew Liara was on top of him and they both were in the middle of a heated make out. Kaidan kissed her with the ferocity of over a year with out the slightest human contact and very soon felt a tent start to form in his pants. Liara rubbed the exposed flesh of Kaidan's chest and the combined biotic energies that flowed from the two crackled and shocked as they continued to kiss each other at the speed of lust. Kaidan retracted his tongue and sucked on Liara's bottom lip just as Shepard had done to him… Just like Shepard Kaidan thought and instantly rolled out from under Liara and onto the floor as he stared up at the ceiling in horror panting like an animal.

"I am so sorry Kaidan, I don't know what came over me." Liara said after she took a moment to compose herself.

"I'm sorry too Liara that was a mistake." Kaidan said as he felt his mouth with his hand and tried to see if they were even his lips that had just committed such an act.

Sure Shepard was still dead or was he? How long till the gelatinous mass down in the med bay was alive and Kaidan would have truly cheated on him. The strange thing was that it didn't feel weird to him; sure he had been with many girls before and then when Shepard came along he threw those feelings for women out the door. But even this was different Kaidan had never been with an alien let alone an Asari, the way their biotics flared with each other and crackled felt amazing and even though they had kissed a short time Kaidan could feel Liara in his mind filling it with lust and ecstasy.

Kaidan just lay there on the floor too afraid and embarrassed to look at Liara.

"Kaidan, can you please come back up here so we can talk?" Liara said.

Kaidan got up and sat down on the bed, still not daring to look at Liara, he could tell his face was red by the heat radiating off of them. Damn it Kaidan thought to himself.

"Look I don't want this to change anything between us Liara you're a great friend." Kaidan said looking at his feet.

"I never meant for you to find out this way, because I didn't want to put you in this position." Liara said.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan said finally making eye contact

"Kaidan… I should go I need to check something… er on my broker terminal… yeah" Liara said as she got up and practically ran for the door.

Kaidan lay there looking up at the view port and looked out at the stars as he did after he and Shepard had sex that night.

What have I done? He thought to himself. Here we are finally bringing Shepard back and im messing around with Liara?

Kaidan activated his omni-tool and called Councilor Tevos, the Asari answered, "Yes what is it Major?"

"I'm sorry to bug you councilor but I have Liara covering this personal assignment for me and I feel it would be wrong for me to neglect my responsibilities as a spectre to say here." Kaidan said hiding his true intentions.

"I see well it just so happens that your old colony Horizon is in need of relief supplies the Reapers really did a number there and the colonists there are having a hard time bouncing back. I'll send you the details just have the Normandy drop you off there."

"Will do councilor." Kaidan said with a hard heart, but he knew that he had to get out of there.


	9. Chapter 9

* Sorry everyone I know it has been a while since I updated! but here's the next chapter just to warn you it gets kinda sexually graphic! But I hope you enjoy it and always remember reviews critiques pms are always wanted and very much appreciated! Enjoy!

It's funny how time flies when you are stuck doing work Kaidan thought to himself, had it really been eight months? After what happened with Liara Kaidan knew he just had to get away from it all. The Asari councilor was right Horizon was still a mess even though it had already been over a year, the colony was still without stable food and water supplies, and most of the structures had been destroyed and most of the colony was left looking like a refugee camp.

There were some familiar faces that walked among him but most were new, most had come there looking for a new start and most had been left homeless after the war and needed a new environment to heal and to cope with the loss of their loved ones. Kaidan felt bad for them and knew in his heart even if he was here for all the wrong reasons these people needed his help.

Kaidan could still remember the look on Liara's face when he was caught loading his things into the shuttle…

"_You're leaving?" Liara said in a saddened voice._

"_Yeah the council has a mission for me, Horizon id having a tough time bouncing back and they need me to go help rebuild."_

"_But you can't leave now-"_

"_Shepard will continue to grow in that tank whether or not im here. I have to go." Kaidan said as he loaded his bags onto the shuttle without even looking at Liara._

"_You have my information let me know if there are any changes with Shepard."_

_And with that Kaidan climbed aboard the shuttle and hit the door looking back only to see the heart broken look of Liara's face that was burned into his memory forever. Kaidan activated the shuttle's engines and slowly left the hanger._

That all seemed so long ago Kaidan thought to him self but what did Liara expect Kaidan was in love with Shepard not her. What happened that night in Shepard's cabin was a mistake but her words rang in his ears "_I never meant for you to find out this way." _So had she liked him all along? Was that the reason why she was helping him and always so worried about him?

All Kaidan knew was that he hadn't heard anything from Liara in the over eight months he had been helping the colony. So he assumed everything was going well. He wasn't one to run away from a fight but this was a completely different, Liara was his friend no matter what happened between them it hurt him to have to leave her like that. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to hurt the poor girl face to face. Liara was a tough woman she has over half a century of life experience on him and he was sure that she would be fine and Kaidan surely wouldn't be her first or her last heartbreak. He just hoped it wouldn't destroy their friendship.

It was late and Kaidan's muscles ached, days of digging and heavy lifting was really doing a number on him. I can't wait to get back to the citadel for a massage Kaidan thought. Shepard had always given the best massages, his big strong hands did wonders for Kaidan and the fact that Shepard's famous massages were always given naked was just the icing on the cake. Kaidan bit his lip remembering how hot Shepard was naked, how his tall muscled frame was equipped with the biggest package he had ever seen in his whole life. Even when the Commander wasn't hard it was still huge dangling limply beyond his large plump balls and would bounce from side to side as Shepard would walk making it bounce off his large muscled thighs.

Kaidan looked down and saw his own member trying to rip through his tight white briefs. Kaidan hadn't been with anyone since Shepard let alone had a lot of alone time with himself. At first it just didn't feel right cause he was so heart broken but then stealing ships and racing across the galaxy, there just never seemed a good time to pleasure himself and let off some steam.

"What the hell." Kaidan said aloud as he stuck his thumbs under the waistband of his briefs and pulled them down and laid down on his bed, now stark naked, His hand now finding his rock hard cock as he began to slowly stroke it up and down.

Now, Kaidan wasn't lacking in that area in the slightest he was about seven and a half inches with nice girth. The ladies he had been with sure hadn't complained about it and neither had Shepard.

Kaidan's pace quickened as his mind darted back to that last night they had spent together…

_As the final piece of clothing dropped from the two naked forms, they stood there in the nude admiring each other. Shepard stepped closer to Kaidan his left hand grabbed Kaidan's cock and jacked it slowly as his right landed on Kaidan's round ass as their lips met and then parted allowing their tongues to dance with one another to the sound of their lust…_

Kaidan's hips were now trusting as his hand moved rapidly up and down over his cock, "mmmm Shepard." Kaidan moaned out as his cock began to shoot out shot after shot of white hot cum, Splattering his chin and chest.

Slowly Kaidan's breathing slowed and returned to normal, Kaidan got up and grabbed a towel from a cupboard and wiped off his spent seed as he looked out the window in his bedroom. The colony looked good, everyone now had a personal residence and the power grid was strong and rolling blackouts were a thing of the past. The old plumbing was invaluable in establishing running water for everyone. Kaidan didn't think one man would make much of a difference but with him came a plethora of council support and supplies.

Things were as they should be and as they used to be and Horizon started to look like Horizon again. Kaidan smiled feeling pride knowing that he helped these people that otherwise may have starved or abandoned the colony.

Horizon however had its own sort of memories for Kaidan, he could still hear the buzzing from the seeker swarms and the clicking of the Collectors. He couldn't count how many times he had dreamt of that day, frozen in place as he watched as his friends were loaded into pods and then taken away. Kaidan shivered and walked towards his bed and climbed under the sheets and not to mention how shity he had treated Shepard, there was no explaining his actions and trying to didn't even make any sense to him but it was a thing that he was glad Shepard wouldn't remember when he came out of that tank.

Things are all but done here Kaidan thought to himself, he typed into his omni-tool and set a date, one week from today he would return to the Normandy and check on Shepard, he had to be nearing completion and Kaidan didn't think he could wait much longer.


	10. Chapter 10

* Okay first off I am sorry for the long wait I was taking a break from writing. I wasn't sure where to go with the story and I didn't want to just slop something on here especially at such an important junction wink wink haha! But after a good break and some brainstorming I think it came out good :) so thank you for waiting, enjoy!

Kaidan sat there with his bags packed and ready to go but he knew he needed to call Liara and ask what the Normandy's position was. He reluctantly hit her information and waited as the screen displayed "connecting"

"Kaidan I was just about to call you." Liara said as her face filled Kaidan's screen.

"Hey Liara I'm sorry I haven't been keeping in touch what's Shepard's condition?"

"He is stable, all systems are holding well we are seeing neural activity since the memories were implanted. Scans show all organs formed normally and are functioning."

"How is his progress?" Kaidan asked as he unconsciously bit at his lower lip.

"He is fully developed and by what I remember he's looking his age again, Mordin has been using electrical impulses to return wrinkles and muscle tone. We are trying to minimize his mental shock when he learns of what has transpired."

"My mission here is complete, what is the Normandy's current location?"

"I'll send you the nav data, when can we expect you?"

"I'm leaving as soon as my things are loaded into the shuttle."

"Right we will be ready."

"Okay see you all soon." And with that Kaidan ended the connection.

He took one last look around his apartment; it was nice, spacious the council paid for anything and everything that he needed. He picked up his bags and headed out the door, he said goodbye to a few of the friends he had met there more than a handful of them had tried to get in his pants since his arrival but he had always put them off.

The shuttle roared to life and swiftly rose to the clouds above, the nav computer synced with his omni-tool and soon the autopilot plotted a course to the Normandy, he would be there in two hours. He thought to himself that he should try to rest but his pounding heart and racing mind wouldn't allow such peace.

The flight was simple enough no problems after the FTL drives shut down all he had to do was pilot right into the hanger that opened as he approached. His heart was racing and a million thoughts were going through his head, will Shepard be out today, will his memories be intact, will he be alright, will he be mad they brought him back, and would he still love him? I guess I'll find out soon enough he thought.

As the shuttle put down in the hanger he could see that Liara and Miranda were waiting for him outside.

"Greaaaaat" Kaidan said to himself as they were the last two people he wanted to see right now.

The doors hissed open and Kaidan hoped out bags in hand, Liara greeted him with a hug, it was shy and awkward but Kaidan was sure she didn't know what to expect especially how he had split so quick after that night.

Miranda immediately started to name off vital signs, lengths, widths, and what he was before and now is, all of which with some further clarification from Liara meant that everything was normal and he was ready. But also that it was Shepard's body's choice of when it was ready, something about after his brain had basically relived all the past events and was ready to start writing new ones. It was all very complicated and mostly theory no one had done this before all they had to go by was Okeer's notes about how he cloned the Krogans.

They all took the lift up to the med-bay everyone acted as if it was no big deal that Kaidan was back and he liked that he didn't want a huge fuss. The doors opened and they arrived as Dr. Chakwas and Mordin were in the middle of a conversation and from what Kaidan caught on the tail end of it was that they were discussing whether or not Shepard could hear them. The tank wasn't sound proof but neural scans registered that he wasn't responding to stimuli and could either mean he was in a coma, a vegetable, or just dreaming.

"I want to see him." Kaidan said.

Dr. Chakwas and Mordin both looked at each other and agreed that he could see Shepard… As if they could have stopped him he thought. They scanned their palms on the door and it opened Kaidan was taken back by what he saw. The commander was hooked up to about a hundred wires and had a breathing and feeding tube in. Kaidan's confusion must have been completely evident as Dr. Chakwas began to explain.

"The wires are hooked to the last muscles that we have been toning we didn't want the Commander flopping out like a limp noodle, also we have been strengthening the bones to make sure he doesn't break all of them once he is in gravity. The breathing tube is to exercise his lungs so that he can breathe once he's out. And of course the feeding tube is so that his digestive system is functioning; we have been working him up to more and more complex food so that he's not eating mashed peas like an infant. And of course the hair on his head is long and his body hair natural because the Commander grooms himself and it's not something we can do while he is in that tank."

"He has no belly button." Kaidan said as he looked at the Commander oddly.

"Well yes he never had an umbilical cord it is something we can add with cosmetic surgery once he's out but we will leave that up to him." She explained calmly.

Besides all the machinery attached to him the Commander looked completely at peace floating freely in the water, his over grown hair flowing as the bubbles from the breathing tube pushed through it. The soft blue light glowed off of his pale skin.

Just as Kaidan was getting used to the Commanders current condition Shepard's eyes opened wide as alarms started going off. Mordin who previously was talking to Liara and Miranda outside the room now rushed in with them. As him and Dr. Chakwas pushed Kaidan aside and started looking at status screens and typing furiously on the keypads and alerts on the screen.

"What's happening?!" Kaidan yelled panicked over the alarms. He looked at the Commander who started to thrash a bit and had an even more panicked look on his face.

"He is coming out!" Dr. Chakwas screamed her omni-tool activated and patched her through the intercoms "All medical personnel to the cloning room Shepard is coming out!

And almost instantly 15 or so people rushed in and started getting a bed ready and started unhooking wires and latches. Liara and Miranda drug Kaidan out of the way so that the doctors could get into the room. Dr. Chakwas hit the drain button and the water, which was actually some sort or gelatinous fluid, began being sucked out, Shepard began to thrash more as the fluid emptied, as it must have been constricting his movement.

"It's taking too long open the hatch!" Dr. Chakwas screamed as she hit the emergency override on the hatch locks. The latch flew open and gallons of the thick fluid gushed out causing the surrounding computers to short and spark. The doctors started to remove the breathing and feeding tubes and all the wire attachments and with some difficulty because the Commander began to try to kick and push them off. He soon slumped to the bottom of the tank gasping for air and shivering. The doctors hovered above him scanning him with various types of equipment.

"Fuck this." Kaidan said a loud and with a strong biotic field pushed both Liara and Miranda to the side he grabbed the blanket off from one of the beds and rushed in still glowing bright blue pushing some doctors over and out of the way as he draped the shivering body of the man he loved in the blanket. Shepard flinched hard to the touch and looked up at Kaidan through squinted eyes, Kaidan he could tell that he was having difficulty seeing.

"It's ok Shepard It's Kaidan we are only here to help, here try to stand up." Kaidan said sweetly and calmly to Shepard.

Shepard slowly and clumsily stood up and took his first step out of the tank. The once chaotic room was now hushed as the doctors looked in surprise at the two. Kaidan led the Commander to the nearest bed and laid him down.

"Don't just stand there give me some more blankets and some water for him, he's probably parched." Kaidan said through clenched teeth as he was trying his hardest to not scream and freak Shepard out. The once frozen doctors sprang back into action as some grabbed blankets and others scanned and checked the Commander. Dr. Chakwas grabbed a glass of water and Mordin was getting a saline I.V ready.

"Try to take a drink Commander everything is going to be alright." Dr. Chakwas said as she handed him the glass.

Shepard shakily reached for the glass and brought it to his lips and started to slowly drink it down, once he was done he handed it to Kaidan who gladly set it on the table to the side and grabbed Shepard's other hand and held it, Shepard squeezed it as Mordin inserted the I.V and injected the bag with some sort of drug in a syringe, he gave the saline bag a few light squeezes and then hung it up. The drug started to take affect and Shepard's eyes slowly closed as he slowly drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

"Kaidan you know sitting here staring at him wont do any good, he is sedated so its not like he could wake up at any moment." Dr. Chakwas said as she tried to reason with Kaidan.

"I don't care. When he wakes up I want him to see a familiar face so that he wont be so panicked."

"I would insist on you getting some rest yourself but I know you wont." She said as he started to gather up things. It was late and Kaidan was exhausted and besides the traumatic "birthing" of Shepard did a real number on his nerves. Regardless Kaidan wanted to be there and so that's where he was going to stay, he pulled up a chair and sat there holding and occasionally rubbing his loves hand, their glowing bio-synthetic circuits almost in sync with one another.

"Do you want Commander Shepard to know of your previous… interactions?" Dr. Chakwas said as she sat across from him on her computer trying to sum up what Shepard had been up to since he first died on the first Normandy.

"I don't think so, I mean it's a lot of pressure knowing that you have to live up to being Commander Shepard savior of the galaxy… I don't want to add any more expectations on him. It happened before, I just hope and pray that it can happen again." Kaidan said with a sigh.

"Very well I will exclude that from the report and I will leave it up to you to tell him on your own time." She said as she closed her terminal and got up and left the room. The lights dimmed to a very faint glow enhancing the glow from the two's bio-synthetics.

Could it really be true? How many countless times did I wake up from a dream where Shepard was alive and then cried myself back to sleep? How many times has my heart ached like there was burning plasma at the core of my being? Kaidan thought to himself. His eyes watered and worsened his already burning eyes. He rubbed his cheek on Shepard's hand and looked to see if he had awoken him, and lucky and sadly he had not. Kaidan could feel his lids getting very heavy; he laid his head on the side of Shepard's bed and fell asleep there, his loves hand in his own.

"Kaidan… Kaidan… Kaidan."

"Hmmm? Wha?" Kaidan sputtered out as he was brought out of his sleep. He looked up and what he saw nearly made him scream for joy. It was Shepard that had woken him up.

"Kaidan, what, what happened? Where am I?" Shepard said as he questionably looked around the room.

Kaidan stared blankly at the Commander, who was living and breathing and talking! "Oh! Umm we are in the med-bay in a… ship." Kaidan answered not knowing what he was supposed to say.

"What happened? Why do you look like a machine? And why do I look like a machine what the hell is going on?!" Shepard said as he raised his hoarse voice.

"I'll be right back let me get Dr. Chakwas." Kaidan said as he quickly got up and rushed out the door. Kaidan ran down the hall to the crew quarters and started banging on the door. "Dr. Chakwas! Dr. Chakwas! It's Shepard, he's awake!"

The door hissed open and a very disheveled Chakwas appeared rubbing her eyes, her hair was messy and she was still in pajamas.

"Quick he's freaking out in there!" Kaidan said as he grabbed the doctor's hand and almost drug her back to the med-bay.

The doors opened just a very naked Shepard was trying to get out of bed, once he tried to put weight on his legs he collapsed, Kaidan rushed forward and caught him in mid air just before he would have face planted into the metal floor of the med-bay.

"Just like you Commander, always trying to do something you shouldn't be doing." Dr. Chakwas said as she entered the room and sat on the opposite side of the bed as Kaidan helped a very weak Shepard back into bed.

"I want to know what the hell is going on here." Shepard yelled.

"What is the last thing u remember?" Dr. Chakwas said as she looked intently at him.

"I remember… I remember the Normandy was under attack… and I was trying to make it to Joker and then after I got there I put him in an escape pod and then the ship started to break a part and I was blasted into space… I… I died. Didn't I?" Shepard looked bewildered.

"Shepard it's been over six years since then…" Kaidan said looking at the floor, his hands on his knees.

Shepard looked pale, even paler than he already was. He leaned back and looked at the ceiling his mind racing.

"But the thing is that you weren't dead the whole time…" Dr. Chakwas said as she readied her timeline.

"Then why can't I remember anything?" Shepard said as he got back up and looked at the doctor.

"Here is a timeline of what has transpired since the destruction of the original Normandy." Dr. Chakwas said as she handed the data pad to Shepard. Hours passed as Shepard read through the many amazing things that had happened that he couldn't remember. Being rebuilt by Cerberus, taking down the Collectors, blowing up a mass relay and a Baterian system, fighting the Reapers, uniting a galaxy and finally defeating the Reapers and dying doing so and altering the path of evolution itself through the use of the Crucible.

Shepard let the data pad slip from his grip and lay on his lap when he was done, he looked so shocked.

"That's just a outline of the major events that have transpired, there are many more smaller details I have included on there that you can look into later." Dr. Chakwas said cheerfully trying to keep sprits up as she re-entered the room after leaving for a short period to pull her self together and alert the other crewmembers.

"So… the Reapers are gone?" Shepard inquired.

"No they simply have been reprogrammed they helped us rebuild and are transferring all of their collective knowledge to us. They have since then disappeared to a barren star system towards the outer rim of the galaxy." Dr. Chakwas said as she sat back down next to the two.

"I feel like im going to throw up." Shepard said as he looked down at his new hands. "Why did you bring me back?" he said looking up at Kaidan who still hadn't left his side since his birthing..

Dr. Chakwas looked at Kaidan also looking for an answer wondering if Kaidan would tell the truth about the thing he and the Commander had.

Kaidan looked at the floor, he had dreamt of the day he would see the man he loved with all his heart but now he couldn't even bare to look at him because all he really wanted to do was kiss his lips again.

"I needed you back." Kaidan finally said looking up at Shepard through burning eyes.

Shepard looked back at Kaidan confused.

"You know we have always been good friends, I mean we even got through Ash's death together… but over the years something changed the brotherly love I had for you changed into something more… something completely different from what I was used to and I wasn't the only one. Even you Shepard fell in love with me as well." Kaidan said as he could see the crimson shade of red on Shepard's face.

"I know." Shepard said.


End file.
